His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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