if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize