I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
