Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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