There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
