So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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