i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
