Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
