how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
