I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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