I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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