His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
