I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
