So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
