Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
