Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize