Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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