I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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