I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
