She is in my trunk
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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