im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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