I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
