Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
