i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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