I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
