my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
