Pappa wants mamma naked
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
