So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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