Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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