i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
