morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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