He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
