ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
