The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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