So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
