tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
