I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
