He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
