You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
