so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
