Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
