wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
