You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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