My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
