I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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