Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
