I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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