How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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