Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
