I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
