It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
