I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
