Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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