That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
