Please, let me fuck your mom
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
