I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
