Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
