I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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