that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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