Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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