You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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