you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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