My entire life is one complicated drinking game
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
