I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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