While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
