Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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