we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
