I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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