At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
