It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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