I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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