and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
