Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
