Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
