I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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