Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
