Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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