WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
