Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
