Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
