Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
