I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FUCK WHALES
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